I’ve never seen the news do so many backflips and I was born just after Watergate. It’s not a surprise that American culture all of a sudden caught us off guard when Miley Cyrus was battling for her sanity and the sanity of everyone who knows Arianna Grande is not Mickey Mouse’s girlfriend. We’re not talking about Bill Clinton advertising Coke to the Senate, but really weird stuff. For instance, why does CJ in Baywatch get to wear a bikini with a bust expansion option while Mitch is suddenly bald with South America tattooed on his side? Who is Kendall Jenner suddenly, and do I want to meet her dad anymore? It’s in this climate of change that we see Ashley Olsen given a serious role in a drama film, having being pushed to the brink of anorexia with her twin, then dissed by the public. Is there sanity in America’s leadership around the world or should I have stayed home last Weeknd?

If the West doesn’t admit to state-sponsored telepathy, I have to give up my Bible. John Lennon would have been proud. If Jared Kushner forms the Russo-Alaskan Mafia under Sarah Palin, I will have to teach psychology to teenagers. If failing that, they unleash nuclear war, I have to take up my bow and arrows and join the Avengers. Finally, if things still don’t work out, I see myself seated at a grand piano in a brothel. I’m already practicing … the piano!

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